Videos and Update

This is a funny, short video of Evan falling off a swing.

 This is Evan jumping around when he is crazy at night.

Evan watching the opening credits to Super Grover. He is obsessed with Grover on Sesame Street. He calls the whole show "Elmos" but he isn't his favorite. He likes all the puppets and tells me "no abby" when Abby comes on. That part is an animated cartoon and he hates it. He makes me fast forward it or grabs the remote himself and tries.


Evan Update: He is doing so well with his gross and fine motor skills. We still need to work on bringing things towards the midline and stabilization but he has come a long way. Right now we work on jumping, kicking a ball and stepping up without holding on to something. He also needs help with using fingers to eat instead of the pads of his hands. The solution to this was to make him hold a spoon or fork in both hands.He still will abandon the utensils to shove food in his mouth with the back or palm of his hands. He is a strong eater and likes to eat fast. He'll try anything too.

He is talking really well and using two word sentences. He can count to 8 or 10 depending on the day and loves to show it off. He recognizes the letters; O, W, B, P, I, E, A, and N. Everyday it seems he picks up a new letter. He has always loved books and reading though. At one years old he pretended to read all the time with his finger on the individual letters. I was surprised when he started to tell me the letters he was seeing. He knows his colors; blue, red, green, orange, pink, yellow and sometimes white or purple. I have always reinforced colors at the end of the sentence, like "That car is red," etc. and he picked up colors easy. He tells me when things are heavy, light, or soft. He asks "why" when we tell him to do something. He also has started to follow 2 step directions as long as they are simple. We can't believe how smart he has gotten. I'm always shocked by how much he picks up and what he copies. One day I was making mash potatoes and he wanted to help. I let him stand on the chair and mash while I put milk and butter in. He mashed really well and then said, "hmm..." reached into the drawer to grab a fork, scooped out a bite and taste tested it. He then told me "peppa" and proceeded to put it in. He has been so funny everyday and we can't wait until Christmas when he sees what Santa has brought me.

First Snow

We had a lot of snow the past few days and it has been so cold. Evan is really loving going outside but the first time he saw my car covered he was terrified. He says, "no, no, no!!!" and then he refuses to touch it. We had to try going outside the next day once the snow melted away on the sidewalk. Here are a few videos I have of him trying outside. The first one Evan is saying "mia, mia" and scrunches his eyes up because I've been saying "smile" and he started to copy. The second video is Evan taking his first step in the snow.

 Parent fail moment!

 Don't look to close at my nose, as Evan would say, "nasty!" I have so many pictures of Evan and food because his life revolves around eating time. He eats blueberries at least once a day and I just put them on his tray frozen. He is obsessed with them.

Evan's Favorite Youtube Videos

This post won't make sense to most people. It is videos that Evan requests and I wanted to put them on a page so we can watch them over and over again.

The Train video that is watched over and over again.

Police, fire, and ambulance video.

School bus love video.

Elmo and I know it song.

Airplane video of course.

This is his favorite. 8 minutes of trucks in the mud.

Typical day consists of Evan asking for "puda peas" "ambanan" "unck" "eye unck" "eye pain"

He is all boy.

PCOS

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend with PCOS and we were discussing all the weird symptoms and ways we have found relief. I'm going to write how I deal with it and products I use, also how the symptoms present in me. PCOS can be crazy and it is hard to find answers. If you read my blog for just Evan and family updates don't read any more. TMI is ahead!

I'm what is known as a "skinny cyster." I also have fairly regular periods. Some of the symptoms I have are cysts on ovaries, thick body hair, thinning hair, weight gain just at tummy, acne, and extreme skin sensitivity. (Also, infertility but this post isn't going there.) A lot of these symptoms I don't have much control over but I will tell you how I have overcome cysts and skin sensitivity.

Skin sensitivity is something I didn't consider as a side effect of PCOS. I never tied the two together until I started treating my skin and noticed that I felt better. Also, googling PCOS with skin sensitivity brought a lot of results. There are people suffering with this that don't know these are tied together. When your hormones are wack it affects everything. Here are a list of things that I use;

1. Laundry Detergent-I'm extremely sensitive to detergent, fabric softeners, and dryer sheets. In fact I don't use those last two items.They kill my skin. Think of scratching until you bleed, dermatitis, and chemical burns and you will understand how much I hate these items. I've tried several detergents including making my own. None of them worked. The only one that has worked so far is Charlie's Soap. It has no smell and it works. For years I thought I had restless leg syndrome but it was just the detergent and dryer sheets that were used and making my legs itch and move uncontrollably while sleeping. Another soap that works is Honest company's (you will hear a lot about them). It has NO smell and I love it. Occasionally I will use Borax or Oxiclean to make the detergent stronger for cleaning.  The Honest Company has dryer sheets but I haven't tried them yet.

2. Hand Soap- You would think this would be easy to find but let me tell you it took a long time to find one that worked. I finally figured out after working on finding toothpaste that anything with sodium laureth sulfate is a no no for my skin. My favorite liquid hand soap is Honest Hand Soap. I don't itch for hours afterwords and my skin doesn't break open.

3. Lotion- I have a few different kinds I like. I make my own out of coconut oil and vitamin e oil. I whip them together and it is fantastic. Alex even likes it. It just doesn't smell that great and whenever I add a smell to it, it just doesn't work for me as well. The best smelling lotion is Honest Face and Body lotion. They also have a balm that smells nasty but works fantastic. I have used this lotion for more than two seasons. That is the way I know it will work. If I can wear it in heat and cold weather without it giving me a heat rash or something than it is good to go.

4. Shampoo and Conditioner- This one took me forever. I tried baking soda and vinegar and that worked but took forever and I hated doing it. Then I tried several organic or natural brands but my hair was gross still. This was one of the first products that I knew I had a problem. I was talking to my non PCOS friend and told her how much my scalp itched right after the shower. She was like huh? That is not normal. It took a long time but I like the Honest Company's Shampoo and Conditioner.

5. Deodorant- So far I have found Arm and Hammer to have a good brand that works. I can put it on and not want to rip my clothes off to scratch.

6. Toothpaste- As long as it doesn't have sodium laureth sulfate in it, it is good to go. I just try to find the cheapest and usually have to go to the natural food store. This product is expensive.

7. Cleaners- I have found that I can't use anything with bleach in it. The stronger the cleaner the more I scratch and can't breath if I'm in the same room. I just make my own.

Those are all products that help with the skin. Now I will tell you about my diet. This has helped with cysts and my acne. The first thing I did was to stop eating packaged foods and stop GMO products. I feel 100% better. I haven't had a cyst that has crippled me in pain for over 2 years. The second thing is I stopped eating things with MSG and eat low gluten. The third thing is no diet soda, no chemicals from food or drink. I try to eat natural, organic, and real food. This is expensive but worth it to me. I don't have to have prescribe to painkillers or go to the ER crippled in pain for morphine. I still mess up occasionally and eat "bad" food when out and about but it isn't 100% of my diet.

The last thing I will tell you about is periods so if you really don't want to read stop here. I had horrible periods. I couldn't sit, stand, or bend over due to cramps. I thought I was dying each month and took painkillers every 4 hrs. I never found the correct dosage of what would work to get rid of the pain and discomfort. My first period that I had after bringing Evan home I found out I was out of tampons. This was February and it was cold. I wasn't allowed to bring him anywhere for two more months and Alex kept forgetting to buy some from the store. So for the first time I was home and just used pads. After my period was over I noticed that I never took tylenol. I first thought it was just a fluke so I decided the next time I would just use pads and see what happened. The same thing. I did this 3 more times and the same results. I started to research tampons and discovered that bleach is used. I was burning my body from the inside out and never knew! For years I didn't understand when people talked about not "feeling" tampons. I felt them the whole time and thought how awful they were.

Before the summer started I knew I needed something that worked better than pads. I researched and found the Diva Cup.  This is the most amazing thing ever. I don't feel it and it is better than tampons. The best part is I never have to buy them again. If you can get over the icky factor it will change your life. I still haven't had to take a tylenol for almost 2 years and I can do things during my period. I just wish I found it earlier. This also saves the environment by not putting tampons out there. I wish all my friends would switch over. There are many different shapes and sizes with other brands.

That is it. If you have things you use or diet that works for you let me know. Or if you have a question.

Picture Overload

 Can I eat the polish dog at the fair and a hamburger? Of course it will fit in my tummy.

 This goat needs a good punch in the face. (I wasn't fast enough to get that picture)

 I can see the birds at the zoo with daddy. (Biggest mistake ever is to let a 20 month old out of the stroller when they don't listen yet)

 I need a drink.

 I know I begged to get on here and ruined other people's pictures, but get me off!

 I just found my binkie and blankie in the diaper bag.

 This donkey needs a good ear twist.

 I know I'm supposed to be looking at a lion but this bird covered poop wire is tasty.

This monkey is so funny!

Evan Update

 Evan with his older sister Ava. This was the best picture I got the whole time. Here is a picture of Evan with his first family.

I thought I would write down some things that Evan is doing because he is learning so much and changing every day.

Evan has major tantrums because he wants to do things himself. He eats by himself, he serves food for himself, he wants to stir anything I'm making, he hates sippy cups and only wants "big" cups, he wants cookies all the time, he will open mailbox with the key, he will take his shirt off, he wants to turn the TV on to watch his "Superwhy" show, he only wants to read truck books, he has to buckle himself in his carseat, he holds his own hands when outside, and if you don't share your drink with him he goes berserk. These are all things he does by himself but still needs some help. The problem is he won't let you. Or you have to make it his idea, "You are mad because you wanted big cup and mommy gave you dinosaur cup. I'm sorry mommy is doing it wrong." Usually after I say something like this during a melt down he stops. I can't wait until his primitive brain is connected more with his upper, higher functioning brain.

Evan is into all trucks, tractors, ambulances, firetrucks, boats, etc. His favorite thing is buses and we drive by the school bus depot when we come back from shopping. He always points them out to me when we are in the car. "Wheels on the Bus" song is always being sung in the car and he tells me what to do next, "wiper, door, kitty, baby, etc." His favorite is having the kitty on the bus.

This boy is the best eater too. When we go out to eat he tells the waiters, "thank you" whenever they bring something and he tries to stack the plates for them to pick up. He will eat everything set in front of him, except lettuce, and says, "want some" when he wants to try something from your plate. I had scallops once and he loved them. He has also tried shrimp and lobster. He asks to go to "num nums" almost everyday because he just loves restaurants. His favorites are Five Guys and Costa Vida. He really likes Thai food and will eat almost his own plate of pad thai.

Evan was released from early intervention because he is doing well. He still goes to the chiropractor every month because it helps him so much. He had some sort of rotavirus this past month and he went through it fine. His immune system seems better this year going into the fall. Last year he seemed to always sound raspy but thanks to cutting out most dairy he stays healthier.

Crazy Evan in the morning

Evan grabbed frozen butter off the counter when I wasn't looking after breakfast. I heard him saying, "hide, hide," and he went into the living room. A few minutes later I heard him spitting something out and he said, "hep mom (help mom)." When I went in there he wanted me to open his butter. I can't imagine how much he would have eaten if it wasn't frozen solid.

Evan is so funny now with all his words. He tells me "no, no" when he unplugs anything, and "tank you" when I pick up after him. He loves to help and we let him do about everything. Recently, he is into ambulances. Every time a siren is heard he asks if it is an ambulance. He was so happy at a rodeo when he saw one turn it's lights on.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green

This is a movie that I have been waiting to see. It is about an infertile couple who become parents through a miracle! Of course I want to see it. Maybe I'll have time this weekend. I love it when they ask her where he came from. The mom says, "It was all very sudden...and kinda of miraculous." That is how adoption is.

Random Photos

 Daddy is my favorite person ever!!!

 I'm eating peas out of the garden.

 I'll just stir this big mudhole up at the playground. You are the best momma for letting me in it.

 It's so hot I'm going for a drink. (I barely stopped him in time)

 Vacuuming time with the attachment. I do it just like mommy.

 I still like my headphones.

 I feel safer with my blankie near me still.

I'll just take that drink thank you very much.

Evan is saying many words clearly now. Some of our favorites are "thank you" and "mom pop." I guess he gets told that a lot.

Preparing for Adoption

A question I get asked ALL the time from people that are just starting the process of adoption or who are paper ready is "What did you do while waiting? How did you prepare?"

Since we did domestic infant adoption my answers to this question are very different than if someone was doing foster care or international adoption. Here is a list that we did to prepare because you have no control over waiting time.

1. Save money. Save as much as you can because as much as you have will never be as much as you really need.

2. Tell your employer that you are planning on adopting and that you will give them information when you get chosen. They don't need to ask every month about how it's going but they do need to be prepared for when you have the call and need to take maternity/paternity leave.

3. Find out as much as you can about adoption. Talk to everyone you know. Try to read positive books, blogs, or articles.

4. Take charge of your infertility feelings and let go of some of that power. Infertility will always suck but don't let it take over how you will parent. Adopting after infertility is a healing process but you can get stuck on feeling guilty that you made it out of the "club."

5. Prepare a baby room if you can. We just bought basic things like pack n' play, carseat and general newborn clothes. I also bought a few bottles and stuff I thought I would need. Some people need to prepare before baby to feel like they are nesting while others it is too painful. We went the middle ground and just got things ready if we were called in the middle of the night to pick up a baby.

6. Pray for birthmothers. Pray like you haven't prayed before. Pray that they will have peace come as they make a decision and pray that they can find the parents that they need for their child.

7. Give up your expectations of what your child will be like. Genetically your child will come with gifts that you will get to discover. How wonderful to let nature discover all the talents your child will have! Embrace the differences in your child and rejoice in nurturing their abilities.

8. Give up your expectations of what your pregnancy would look like. I would have loved to have eaten only organic food and never touched a soda but guess what, I wasn't the one pregnant and neither will you be. You have no control over what the birthmother is doing while pregnant. I'm so grateful that Evan had a wonderful first mom that took care of him in the womb. She was great at it.

9. Love your child's birthmom and birthdad. They might not make choices you agree with, they might not be what you expected, or they might not be there at all. They deserve your unconditional love anyway. Talk about the birthparents in positive terms in front of your child. Don't give details away to too many people. This is your child's story. Do you want a second cousin to know more than your child? What if your child wants to keep some of their story private and you have already told everyone? What if they find out something before they are ready to handle it? Be prepared and thoughtful when it comes to details.

10. Don't lose focus on your main goal. That you want to be a parent. While you are waiting educate others about adoption, open adoption, multiracial families, etc.

This journey of yours can be long. It can be heartbreaking and full of crazy situations. It will be hard but so worth it. Hang in there everyone!

Growing up too fast

 I'm having a difficult time with Evan growing up. I've been packing away clothes and donating them to family or friends. It was very bittersweet. I actually cried over an outfit which I thought I would never do because clothes aren't that important too me. Evan's original blankies are threadbare and faded from the frequent washings that I had replaced them with a new package. It was hard packing those away. Will I ever have another newborn to wrap up? Or will it be an older child from a different country? Or will we be foster parents? Who knows the next direction to build our family will turn. The only thing we know for sure is it will be adoption.

This little man is so special and fun. I love this stage that he is at and we go everywhere together.

Here is a sweet song by Mindy Gledhill about little boys. I just love it.

"Little boy, when you speak
I can't help but kiss your cheeks
I love the way you grab my hands
And tell me all about your plans"

Loving Kitties

Evan loves kitties. Too bad it is just one sided most of the time. Here is a play by play of him finding kitties. We literally just pulled up to the house.

 I'm going to get a kitty.

 They don't know I squeeze extra tight yet.

 Got one!

 I'm not letting this one go.

 This kitty is getting really slippery.

 Grandma better teach me how to hold it better.

Come on out kitty, I promise to be nice and feed ya!

I have a few videos of Evan with the kitties. I would like to think that how he picked them up in the video wasn't typical but for the next few days he kept torturing and laughing at those kitties. Finally one scratched him and he was a lot nicer. It was one of those lessons he had to learn the hard way.

I'm always having a good time!

 I'm a big boy on my new ride.

 Uh oh! How do I do this?

 It's steady now, thank goodness.

 Spoke too soon!

 Let's paint the cement with water!

 How about I just sit with this mop at the family reunion on this toddler swing?

 Mommy, I soak my toast with juice.

Squishy and good like I love.

How about you show all these nice people how I love my toast and Grandma's jam with extra juice on it. 

What Evan picked out at the DI

 Almost every Friday I take Evan to the DI. It is the store where we practice "holding mommy's hand" and "stay close to mommy." It is the best store for that because no one looks at you weird if you abandon your cart for misbehaving toddlers and if your child throws merchandise it is no big deal. I let Evan find something in the toy section most of the time and enjoy searching through the toys myself. People that know me well know how much I love kid toys and books. I have been buying them before I even had a kid. For awhile I have been searching for a toy vacuum because Evan loves them when we go to somebodies house and they have one. To our amazement there were 3 at the local DI and this is the one he chose. It wasn't the tallest or in the best shape but it had the best "vacuum" sound and he carried it through the whole store. He had a small tantrum when we had to pay for it but let me put him in the cart while he held it to the car. In the car he held it while we drove to the park for lunch. The above picture is his joyous face when he woke up from his nap and rediscovered it. The below picture is him turning it on to "vacuum." (As a side note: those aren't bruises on his feet, they are his sandal tan. He is incredibly dark there because it is the spot I forget to put sunblock on)

Dreams Change

I've been feeling that I needed to write more about infertility or adoption and this is one of my personal journal posts from my private blog that I thought I would share.

I dreamed I was pregnant last night. I haven't had that dream in 4 years. That is when I gave up those dreams and chose a new one. It was painful to remember how those dreams used to affect me so strongly. I even had nauseous when I woke up which made the dream seem even more real. When I was getting ready for the day I found myself subconsciously fingering the drawer that carried the "stuff." You know, the OPK stick, BBT thermometers, pregnancy tests, plastic cups, and my copy of TCOYF so I could refer to the pictures if needed.

That drawer was emptied when we started to move forward with adoption but it was very hard to do. You see that drawer held my one positive pregnancy test that I held on to as proof that I was a woman. That my body worked just as well as others. It was something I would refer back to when my hopes were crushed month after month. Throwing it away was painful but necessary for me to fully commit to our new dream. Losing your dream to pick up another one is harder than most people imagine. My whole life I've been told that the first dream is the way to go and now I needed to change? How do you shut your body hormones down when they are screaming to do the one thing they are meant to? Your heart and mind knows what you should be doing but every month those hormones come back to "try" again. I'm just feeling what women have been feeling for ages.

I sometimes wish I could shut that part down in my body. Then I remember that was something I needed to have when we were placed with our son. My body started to adapt towards Evan and merged with his rhythms and cycles. I woke easily to his sounds, I interpreted his cries, and I knew what he needed from within. It did take time but my body shaped around him and his needs like it was supposed to. I loved him from the beginning but the bond took time for the both of us. He was getting used to me while I was getting used to him.

I still suffer from my infertility pain and I think it will always be there. Every baby shower announcement, pregnant shoppers, and newborn clothes will give me that "twitch" right in my heart. That knowledge that I know exactly what my life would have looked like if infertility wasn't in it. I've been married almost 9 years which means I would have had an almost 8 year old, 6 year old, 4 year old, and maybe 2 year old. I would have been done child bearing before I turned 30. When in reality I wasn't a mother until I was 30.

Only one look at my Evan makes those many painful years and thoughts worthwhile. I will never regret that my dreams changed. When in reality I was living the life I was supposed to have, Evan is right where he needs to be and I'm the mother that I need to be to my son. 

The Fourth

 We went to the parade and Evan held his blankie most of the time through the loud firetrucks and ambulances. He growled each time horses were going by and could have cared less about the candy being thrown. Alex kept trying to get him interested in going for candy but it was a no go.

 He was interested in his cheddar crackers and stuffed his face most of the morning.

 After running around he was pretty upset to get strapped back into the carseat. This is his fake "scrunched" up face. He will open his eyes to see how you are taking it and then squeeze them shut again. He is the best fake crier.

 We went out to the garden to water before getting ready for the rodeo and Evan ate a radish straight out of the ground. He thought it was the best thing ever.

 We went to the rodeo and kept trying to climb the arena fence. He was watching all the other kids and kept trying to keep up with them.

 He was trying to climb into the arena. At one point he crawled under it and made it half way before we stopped him. He was so angry at me and kicked and hit.

We had to leave the rodeo to go and play because of how crazy Evan was. It was two hours past his bedtime and he was unstoppable. I have no pictures of the fireworks because Evan was crazy town at that point. We were in the car and ready to go when they started them and he didn't even care. Maybe next year.