2.05.2010
Update on Our Situation
This should be an exciting post, but it really isn't. You see Alex and I were picked in October and have been in contact with a couple about a baby. We met them and it seemed to be going well. We were told to take off our parent profile and our adoption page on the church site was taken down as well. A little bit before Christmas I got a bad feeling because the tone of the emails were different. I could tell something was wrong. We just didn't want to believe it though. It took until last night for us to definitely find out that we weren't going to be parents. They kinda of chickened out on telling us themselves. We had to hear it from our caseworker. We are really heartbroken and emotional right now. Especially since we had started to get baby stuff together. We are so thankful for everyone being supportive and for family being there for us. We just hope we can get back out there are soon as possible.
10.28.2009
What We've Been Doing
I haven't had this long of a break between posts. Sorry anyone that keeps checking every week to see if I've written anything. So I will break it down on what has been happening to us these past 2 months.
Alex- After overdosing on tiger ears from the State Fair he is currently breaking 3 horses for a local doctor. He really needs the exercise since tiger ears make you gain 5 pounds by just eating one. He has only a few minor injuries to report and only been bucked off once. Wait, he just said it doesn't count because he wasn't fully IN the saddle. (I think if your bum hits the ground it counts) He also went hunting this past couple of weeks and had no luck. I on the other hand had some luck because I didn't have to make room in the freezer for deer sausage. That is the worst sausage in the world. I would rather eat blood sausage.
Sarah- I started the new school season and have been really busy. My new job is fantastic and I'm wondering why I didn't do it earlier. I get to work with adorable 3 year olds and help them talk. It's kind of a shame I have to correct their cute talking. I also visited my younger sister in Montana for the spud harvest break. We just hung out and watched movies. Very laid back. Her kids are funny and she babysits the cutest little girl that wears glasses. She kept calling me Aunt Sarah while my real niece called me Sarah.
Together we have been watching The Office and 30 Rock. We can't get enough of those shows. Our 6 year anniversary is this next week and I feel that it has gone by so fast. We are definitely going out to eat. I don't know what else because I just don't want to plan or think about it. We're very boring.
Thank you everyone that has emailed me to ask about updates about adoption. We know that we will be picked and our lives are blessed to have family and friends support us. We are confident that 2010 will be our year!
Alex- After overdosing on tiger ears from the State Fair he is currently breaking 3 horses for a local doctor. He really needs the exercise since tiger ears make you gain 5 pounds by just eating one. He has only a few minor injuries to report and only been bucked off once. Wait, he just said it doesn't count because he wasn't fully IN the saddle. (I think if your bum hits the ground it counts) He also went hunting this past couple of weeks and had no luck. I on the other hand had some luck because I didn't have to make room in the freezer for deer sausage. That is the worst sausage in the world. I would rather eat blood sausage.
Sarah- I started the new school season and have been really busy. My new job is fantastic and I'm wondering why I didn't do it earlier. I get to work with adorable 3 year olds and help them talk. It's kind of a shame I have to correct their cute talking. I also visited my younger sister in Montana for the spud harvest break. We just hung out and watched movies. Very laid back. Her kids are funny and she babysits the cutest little girl that wears glasses. She kept calling me Aunt Sarah while my real niece called me Sarah.
Together we have been watching The Office and 30 Rock. We can't get enough of those shows. Our 6 year anniversary is this next week and I feel that it has gone by so fast. We are definitely going out to eat. I don't know what else because I just don't want to plan or think about it. We're very boring.
Thank you everyone that has emailed me to ask about updates about adoption. We know that we will be picked and our lives are blessed to have family and friends support us. We are confident that 2010 will be our year!
8.10.2009
Union Falls Trip
Alex and I with some friends went to Union Falls this past weekend. It was a 7 mile ride in and then another mile to hike to the falls. We also hiked to a spot to swim and it was great after all the dust and sweat of riding. It was a great trail ride and I wasn't even that sore the next day.
Here is a picture of the falls. Where we were standing the breeze brought up the spray and it felt great.
Alex rode baby Mac and he did good. We had to cross the river twice each way on the trip. Mac did great in the water.
Alex and me with Nancy and Steve (just married) and Crystal and Brian (just friends).
This is a picture during Alex's teton trip. Hopefully I get to go next year.
Here is a picture of the falls. Where we were standing the breeze brought up the spray and it felt great.
Alex rode baby Mac and he did good. We had to cross the river twice each way on the trip. Mac did great in the water.
Alex and me with Nancy and Steve (just married) and Crystal and Brian (just friends).
This is a picture during Alex's teton trip. Hopefully I get to go next year.
8.03.2009
Birthparents Are Heroes!!
Here is a video of Tamra and her adoption story. Alex and I can't wait until we have a special story about how we created our family with the help of a wonderful birth parent. There are some misconceptions about birth moms and I want everyone to know that Alex and I want an open adoption. We want to know where our baby comes from and we always want to know them. We hope that our friends and family will continue to pray for us and to also pray that birth parents find their adoptive families.
Thanks for your love and support everyone!
Thanks for your love and support everyone!
7.27.2009
Alex's Trip to Teton Wilderness
Alex got back this last week from his trip by Yellowstone park. It was an all boy pack trip and they had a lot of fun fishing and riding.
7.10.2009
A Year in the Life of an Infertile Woman
I just had to share this for those that don't know what it's like to be childless and for those that do. Now, I had the link to it because I didn't write it but, the link isn't working. I got it off of another blog and I can't remember where. If any of my infertile sisters remember please tell. They need credit for such a wonderful post.
I am in my 5th infertile year.
The year starts off easy enough...
New Years -- This is where we make all those resolutions, or in the case of an infertile, their hopes and dreams and goals for the year ahead. We tell ourselves that this is going to be our year! We are not going to face another new Year's without a child. We are going to do whatever it takes to reach our dreams this year. And we kiss, still crushed from the year prior, but with a renewed hope for the year to come. This is going to be our year -- it has to be.
Valentines Day -- Finally, a holiday that doesn't remind us of children! It's all about love. Only, we are pumped up on drugs, or so exhausted from treatments, that it's hard to enjoy. Not to mention, in the back of our minds, we know all those other couples, sitting around us, eating their dinner, have children they get to go home to. Valentine's cards to help them write out. Little hearts and chocolates to scatter around the house in anticipation of little excited faces.
March Break -- On the heels of Valentines Day comes March break. Children abound, as families pack up to enjoy a fun week together somewhere. But not you. No, you plough forward, head down, trying not to notice.
Easter -- Next comes Easter. The stores are filled with reminders of children. Everywhere you look is a reminder of what you are missing. Easter bunnies, Easter baskets, Easter egg hunts. Pretty spring children's dresses. Excited little faces and happy families are everywhere. You long to be part of an easter egg hunt of your own, but instead, you close your eyes and hope you just make it through.
Mothers Day -- As if Easter wasn't bad enough, Mother's Day is close behind. A slap in the face to infertiles everywhere. You are not a mother and you wonder if you ever will be. You do not get breakfast in bed, a hand drawn card, a hug from that sweet little child telling you they love you. It's a painful reminder of what you will never have, and what everyone around you gets so easily. It's almost too much to bear, as you watch others enjoy what you long for so badly.
Fathers Day -- Of course Father's Day is right behind. Happy children and their dads, out to brunch, playing golf, fishing, enjoying the day together. You think of your husband and what he is missing. You can't help picturing him as a father, knowing how good he would be. You imagine your own children taking his hand and hopping up on his lap, smiling up at him. Their dad. Their hero. And you can't help from thinking how robbed he is, when you see the pain on his face.
Summer Holidays -- One of the best times of year for family fun. Kids are out of school. Everywhere you look are happy families picnicking, going to the park, the beach. And you long to be one of them. The carefree days of summer are everywhere. Long weekends and camping trips. Innocent times and bonding and memories being created that will last a life time. Yet, you still cannot join in the fun.
Weddings -- Of course, what would the summer be without weddings. You watch, as other couples get married, knowing that soon, their dreams will come true, and they will be blessed with families before you. You think back to your wedding, how excited and hopeful you were for the future together. All the family plans you had, the big house, the fun family trips. And it's painful to watch it come true for everyone else but you.
Baby showers -- Invites to baby showers come fast and furious. You can't even bear to open the envelope. You shop for other peoples' children, holding back the lump in your throat, trying not to breathe, and maybe you will get through it.
Birthdays -- Next comes your birthday. But you have nothing to celebrate. It's just a painful reminder that you are another year older, another year has passed without a child. Your chances are decreasing every single day. And you can't bear to blow out your candle, yet again, and make the only wish you have been wishing. Because it still hasn't come true.
Anniversaries -- Your wedding anniversary is upon you, and it's time to celebrate your love. The one thing that keeps you going through all the pain. But unfortunately, it's also an anniversary where you both will mourn another year passing without a child. The family you haven't created.
Back to School -- Back to school has become a season these days. You look around at all the stores, all the little knapsacks, and school supplies. Your nieces and nephews are getting older. Friends children are growing up before your eyes. Life is moving forward without you. You can't help but feel like it's completely passing you by.
Halloween -- As the autumn leaves fall, families are huddled up carving pumpkins together, making candy apples, playing in the falling leaves. And Halloween rolls around quickly. Parents dress up little angels, princesses, and monsters in the cutest outfits you have ever seen. You dread the day as it grows darker, knowing that soon, happy little children will be knocking on your door, saying trick or treat. And you will barely be able to keep yourself from crying. You think about everything you are missing. You long to be taking your own children out from house to house. And you end the night, a puddle on the floor, sobbing your eyes out, wishing you could hide away forever.
Thanksgiving -- The season of family is officially upon you. Happy families get together to share turkey and rejoice in all that they have to be thankful for. Just the thought of another holiday where you still don't have your own family to share it with, tortures you beyond belief. You have a hard time thinking of anything to be thankful for, let alone, sharing the holiday with family and friends who have everything you want. Everyone has a family except for you, and the pain cuts so deep you don't think you will survive it.
Christmas -- The holiday season is upon you in no time. The pinnacle of holidays is finally here. Christmas is the motherload, the holiday of all holidays. The one you have been dreading all year. For it is the season of children and dreams and families and miracles. For everyone but you. Little stocking hanging from the fireplace, ornaments on the tree, hopes of Santa, snowmen on front lawns, Christmas parades, hot chocolate, cold little toes and noses and happy laughter fills the air. The stores bellow out Christmas music. Commercials celebrate families and children. Movies are filled with the magic of family. Christmas lights and Santa sleighs, and nativity scenes are everywhere. Christmas cards arrive in the mail, all those happy smiling family pictures and updates from friends and families. The magic of the season is everywhere, all around you, suffocating you, choking you to death. The pain has never been so great, so real, and so deep. You envy everyone you see. You can barely venture out your front door. It is the happiest season of all, a season you once loved, a season you wonder if you will ever love again. A season that now pulls you under with such grief that you are sure you will die. But you don't die. You survive. As you brace yourself for the upcoming New Year and the whole new calendar that comes with it.
I am in my 5th infertile year.
The year starts off easy enough...
New Years -- This is where we make all those resolutions, or in the case of an infertile, their hopes and dreams and goals for the year ahead. We tell ourselves that this is going to be our year! We are not going to face another new Year's without a child. We are going to do whatever it takes to reach our dreams this year. And we kiss, still crushed from the year prior, but with a renewed hope for the year to come. This is going to be our year -- it has to be.
Valentines Day -- Finally, a holiday that doesn't remind us of children! It's all about love. Only, we are pumped up on drugs, or so exhausted from treatments, that it's hard to enjoy. Not to mention, in the back of our minds, we know all those other couples, sitting around us, eating their dinner, have children they get to go home to. Valentine's cards to help them write out. Little hearts and chocolates to scatter around the house in anticipation of little excited faces.
March Break -- On the heels of Valentines Day comes March break. Children abound, as families pack up to enjoy a fun week together somewhere. But not you. No, you plough forward, head down, trying not to notice.
Easter -- Next comes Easter. The stores are filled with reminders of children. Everywhere you look is a reminder of what you are missing. Easter bunnies, Easter baskets, Easter egg hunts. Pretty spring children's dresses. Excited little faces and happy families are everywhere. You long to be part of an easter egg hunt of your own, but instead, you close your eyes and hope you just make it through.
Mothers Day -- As if Easter wasn't bad enough, Mother's Day is close behind. A slap in the face to infertiles everywhere. You are not a mother and you wonder if you ever will be. You do not get breakfast in bed, a hand drawn card, a hug from that sweet little child telling you they love you. It's a painful reminder of what you will never have, and what everyone around you gets so easily. It's almost too much to bear, as you watch others enjoy what you long for so badly.
Fathers Day -- Of course Father's Day is right behind. Happy children and their dads, out to brunch, playing golf, fishing, enjoying the day together. You think of your husband and what he is missing. You can't help picturing him as a father, knowing how good he would be. You imagine your own children taking his hand and hopping up on his lap, smiling up at him. Their dad. Their hero. And you can't help from thinking how robbed he is, when you see the pain on his face.
Summer Holidays -- One of the best times of year for family fun. Kids are out of school. Everywhere you look are happy families picnicking, going to the park, the beach. And you long to be one of them. The carefree days of summer are everywhere. Long weekends and camping trips. Innocent times and bonding and memories being created that will last a life time. Yet, you still cannot join in the fun.
Weddings -- Of course, what would the summer be without weddings. You watch, as other couples get married, knowing that soon, their dreams will come true, and they will be blessed with families before you. You think back to your wedding, how excited and hopeful you were for the future together. All the family plans you had, the big house, the fun family trips. And it's painful to watch it come true for everyone else but you.
Baby showers -- Invites to baby showers come fast and furious. You can't even bear to open the envelope. You shop for other peoples' children, holding back the lump in your throat, trying not to breathe, and maybe you will get through it.
Birthdays -- Next comes your birthday. But you have nothing to celebrate. It's just a painful reminder that you are another year older, another year has passed without a child. Your chances are decreasing every single day. And you can't bear to blow out your candle, yet again, and make the only wish you have been wishing. Because it still hasn't come true.
Anniversaries -- Your wedding anniversary is upon you, and it's time to celebrate your love. The one thing that keeps you going through all the pain. But unfortunately, it's also an anniversary where you both will mourn another year passing without a child. The family you haven't created.
Back to School -- Back to school has become a season these days. You look around at all the stores, all the little knapsacks, and school supplies. Your nieces and nephews are getting older. Friends children are growing up before your eyes. Life is moving forward without you. You can't help but feel like it's completely passing you by.
Halloween -- As the autumn leaves fall, families are huddled up carving pumpkins together, making candy apples, playing in the falling leaves. And Halloween rolls around quickly. Parents dress up little angels, princesses, and monsters in the cutest outfits you have ever seen. You dread the day as it grows darker, knowing that soon, happy little children will be knocking on your door, saying trick or treat. And you will barely be able to keep yourself from crying. You think about everything you are missing. You long to be taking your own children out from house to house. And you end the night, a puddle on the floor, sobbing your eyes out, wishing you could hide away forever.
Thanksgiving -- The season of family is officially upon you. Happy families get together to share turkey and rejoice in all that they have to be thankful for. Just the thought of another holiday where you still don't have your own family to share it with, tortures you beyond belief. You have a hard time thinking of anything to be thankful for, let alone, sharing the holiday with family and friends who have everything you want. Everyone has a family except for you, and the pain cuts so deep you don't think you will survive it.
Christmas -- The holiday season is upon you in no time. The pinnacle of holidays is finally here. Christmas is the motherload, the holiday of all holidays. The one you have been dreading all year. For it is the season of children and dreams and families and miracles. For everyone but you. Little stocking hanging from the fireplace, ornaments on the tree, hopes of Santa, snowmen on front lawns, Christmas parades, hot chocolate, cold little toes and noses and happy laughter fills the air. The stores bellow out Christmas music. Commercials celebrate families and children. Movies are filled with the magic of family. Christmas lights and Santa sleighs, and nativity scenes are everywhere. Christmas cards arrive in the mail, all those happy smiling family pictures and updates from friends and families. The magic of the season is everywhere, all around you, suffocating you, choking you to death. The pain has never been so great, so real, and so deep. You envy everyone you see. You can barely venture out your front door. It is the happiest season of all, a season you once loved, a season you wonder if you will ever love again. A season that now pulls you under with such grief that you are sure you will die. But you don't die. You survive. As you brace yourself for the upcoming New Year and the whole new calendar that comes with it.
Catching Everybody Up
So sorry it is been more than a month. This last June was busy for the both of us. I went to Colorado for 2 weeks while Alex got to be a bachelor again with his buddies. I'm just kidding. One of his best friends isn't married and they hang out a lot when I'm gone. I think it's funny.
Back to Colorado. I do have pictures but I'm having trouble getting them out of camera because can't find cord. So it might be awhile. My sister Ruth came down from Montana and we played around. Some of the highlights: trailriding 3 times, run over by large mother goats 4 times, giving baby goats shots, going to Denver Zoo, went to 4 flea markets, ate out at Young's Cafe (only once, so sad), and upchucking at Walmart's parking lot. Yes, all that happened to me. Some of it planned and some of it spontaneous. I don't recommend Walmart parking lot for any one's vomiting purposes, it is very public and not a lot of grass. Don't worry everyone, it was just a lovely side effect of pain pills for cysts. I'm not counting on it happening again.
When I got back Alex and I went to a few rodeos. We have been starting the summer off slowly. Alex is leaving this Friday to go camping with the horses. No women are going so I'm assuming they might live off of Spam or Vienna Sausages. Just joking, they are all great cooks. I mean that! It seems harder to get ready for camping than actually going camping. I'll be glad when everything is back in its place. I'm also worrying about baby Mac going. Mac is our baby horse. He is 3 years old and never been away before on a trip. I think this is how mother's of kindergartners feel. I just hope Alex takes care of him. I should worry about Alex, but he is like Bear Grylis on Man vs. Wild that I don't need too.
Back to Colorado. I do have pictures but I'm having trouble getting them out of camera because can't find cord. So it might be awhile. My sister Ruth came down from Montana and we played around. Some of the highlights: trailriding 3 times, run over by large mother goats 4 times, giving baby goats shots, going to Denver Zoo, went to 4 flea markets, ate out at Young's Cafe (only once, so sad), and upchucking at Walmart's parking lot. Yes, all that happened to me. Some of it planned and some of it spontaneous. I don't recommend Walmart parking lot for any one's vomiting purposes, it is very public and not a lot of grass. Don't worry everyone, it was just a lovely side effect of pain pills for cysts. I'm not counting on it happening again.
When I got back Alex and I went to a few rodeos. We have been starting the summer off slowly. Alex is leaving this Friday to go camping with the horses. No women are going so I'm assuming they might live off of Spam or Vienna Sausages. Just joking, they are all great cooks. I mean that! It seems harder to get ready for camping than actually going camping. I'll be glad when everything is back in its place. I'm also worrying about baby Mac going. Mac is our baby horse. He is 3 years old and never been away before on a trip. I think this is how mother's of kindergartners feel. I just hope Alex takes care of him. I should worry about Alex, but he is like Bear Grylis on Man vs. Wild that I don't need too.
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