Waiting in Adoption

The whole week before Evan's birthday and his actual birthday I have been reliving memories/thoughts of placement and the 2 and 1/2 years we spent waiting. We had been married for almost 5 years when we were put on the active list. During that first year we had no activity. No one emailed us, no one wanted to know more about us.

At the year mark we received 2 emails from potential birthmothers. We got to meet both of them. I will never forget them. We love both of them so much. At this time one decided on a different couple and one decided on us. We were overjoyed and started to tell people. A few months before the due date we found out that they had decided to parent. We were heartbroken. Taking down that nursery and putting things away has been the hardest thing that I have ever done. We still have contact with these two women. Both are fantastic people and definitely made the right decisions for their families.

A few months after we had another meeting with a potential birthmother. We were chosen again. Because of circumstances we were not allowed to tell a lot of people about the situation. A week before baby was due we had a call that told us again we wouldn't be parenting this baby. Another heartwrenching loss for the both of us. Unbeknownst to us, this is when Evan's birthmom found out she was expecting.

That whole summer was hard. We decided that we would continue to pray and see if IVF was our direction. People that we had taking the adoption classes with were placed with their second child as we were waiting for our first. We were so discouraged. We called the clinic around September and talked to the financial adviser. We kept getting the answer to wait. That adoption was where we needed to be.

Then November happened and an email came. At first we didn't know what to think. Was this really happening? We met in December and we felt like it was right. Adoption love is a strange experience. It's really hard to explain for those that never have witnessed it. We love that Evan has his genetics from his first family. Everyday he does a face or expression that looks just like Amanda or Ava. We love hearing stories about the kids in his first family and seeing how much he is like them. Also, watching him pick up things from us is fun. He acts just like Alex sometimes that I feel like they are two old souls that got reacquainted.  Evan is addicted to his daddy and wants him all the time. They sit and share a red licorice and watch a hunting show almost everyday. Alex still gets up early everyday to feed him. I haven't had to do one in a long time. I hear them in the monitor every morning playing while I get ready. These two boys hang out all the time and Alex can't wait till the summer to take him riding again.

A lot of my friends are still waiting for their child. Don't give up hope. Being a parent is worth it no matter the wait. I am so, so, so, so grateful for all our failed placements. It makes me upset to think that if we would have been taken off the list at the wrong time or we went forward with IVF that Evan wouldn't have been placed in our home. Things just seemed to fit into place even when our hope was small. I pray everyday for my friends and hope that their wait isn't as long as ours needed to be.  Adoption is incredible and scary and fantastic all at the same time. Waiting is the hardest part about it but if you let it you can grow so much.