Preparing for Adoption

A question I get asked ALL the time from people that are just starting the process of adoption or who are paper ready is "What did you do while waiting? How did you prepare?"

Since we did domestic infant adoption my answers to this question are very different than if someone was doing foster care or international adoption. Here is a list that we did to prepare because you have no control over waiting time.

1. Save money. Save as much as you can because as much as you have will never be as much as you really need.

2. Tell your employer that you are planning on adopting and that you will give them information when you get chosen. They don't need to ask every month about how it's going but they do need to be prepared for when you have the call and need to take maternity/paternity leave.

3. Find out as much as you can about adoption. Talk to everyone you know. Try to read positive books, blogs, or articles.

4. Take charge of your infertility feelings and let go of some of that power. Infertility will always suck but don't let it take over how you will parent. Adopting after infertility is a healing process but you can get stuck on feeling guilty that you made it out of the "club."

5. Prepare a baby room if you can. We just bought basic things like pack n' play, carseat and general newborn clothes. I also bought a few bottles and stuff I thought I would need. Some people need to prepare before baby to feel like they are nesting while others it is too painful. We went the middle ground and just got things ready if we were called in the middle of the night to pick up a baby.

6. Pray for birthmothers. Pray like you haven't prayed before. Pray that they will have peace come as they make a decision and pray that they can find the parents that they need for their child.

7. Give up your expectations of what your child will be like. Genetically your child will come with gifts that you will get to discover. How wonderful to let nature discover all the talents your child will have! Embrace the differences in your child and rejoice in nurturing their abilities.

8. Give up your expectations of what your pregnancy would look like. I would have loved to have eaten only organic food and never touched a soda but guess what, I wasn't the one pregnant and neither will you be. You have no control over what the birthmother is doing while pregnant. I'm so grateful that Evan had a wonderful first mom that took care of him in the womb. She was great at it.

9. Love your child's birthmom and birthdad. They might not make choices you agree with, they might not be what you expected, or they might not be there at all. They deserve your unconditional love anyway. Talk about the birthparents in positive terms in front of your child. Don't give details away to too many people. This is your child's story. Do you want a second cousin to know more than your child? What if your child wants to keep some of their story private and you have already told everyone? What if they find out something before they are ready to handle it? Be prepared and thoughtful when it comes to details.

10. Don't lose focus on your main goal. That you want to be a parent. While you are waiting educate others about adoption, open adoption, multiracial families, etc.

This journey of yours can be long. It can be heartbreaking and full of crazy situations. It will be hard but so worth it. Hang in there everyone!