Myths and Truths

The FSA (Families Supporting Adoption) had a National Conference in Utah. Alex and I were unable to make it this year but we did get some handouts that were available. One of them is about some myths and truths of adopting. It was written by Renette Goodrich who is on the FSA Birth grandparent committee. I wanted to share it with all of you. Alex and I have heard some of these myths from friends and we have also said some of them ourselves. Getting to know 3 potential birth parents that were looking at us and listening to birth parent panels, we know that many of these things are not true. We have loved every young woman and man that has considered us to parent and we know that they have made the right decision for them. We can't wait to get chosen still and want an open adoption.

Myth: If a girl takes the baby home she will not place.

Truth: In some cases it is a healthy, healing experience, but it may not be the right choice for everyone.



Myth: If a girl places her baby she is being selfish.

Truth: Placing a child for adoption puts the need of the child ahead of the needs of the mother.



Myth: Girls who place their babies don't want their child.

Truth: It is not that the girls don't want their child, they love them so much they want what's best for their child which are a mom and a dad in a stable home. Something they couldn't provide.



Myth: Unwed mothers are delinquents or "drugies."

Truth: Most unwed mothers are good people from every walk of life.



Myth: If I'm still in a relationship with the birth father I should parent my child.

Truth: "When a man and woman conceive a child out of wedlock, every effort should be made to encourage them to marry. When the probability of a successful marriage is unlikely due to age or other circumstances, unwed parents should be counseled to place the child for adoption...Adoption is a unselfish loving decision that blesses both the birth parents and the child in this life and in eternity." June 26, 2002 signed by the First Presidency.



Myth: If I place the baby for adoption I can pretend this never happened.

Truth: All who are involved will go through a grieving process in their own way. Placing a baby does allow the birth mom to move on with her life, but a birth mom never forgets her child.



Myth: Birth fathers disappear as soon as they find out their girlfriend is pregnant.

Truth: Some birth fathers are very supportive of their girl friend throughout the pregnancy and decision making process.



Myth: If I have a relationship with the birth mother she will want the baby back.

Truth: An open adoption can bring a lot of healing for both the adoptive mom and the birth mom. A bond and a trust can develop that helps all involved feel more secure about the adoption.



Myth: Because adoptive couples did not give birth to the child they don't love the child as much as the birth parents.

Truth: Adoptive couples bond with their adoptive children just as much as birth parents bond through the miracle of birth.



Myth: If my daughter places her baby I'll never see my grandchild again.

Truth: Open adoptions can be arranged to allow the birth grandparents to be involved in the child's life.



Myth: I can't trust my child to make the correct decision.

Truth: Supporting and having faith in your child and the process can build a strong parent/child relationship but the decision to place is solely between the birth parents and Heavenly Father.



Myth: If the parents had taught them this would never have happened.

Truth: As one birth mom put it. "I was taught; I just made my own choices."